Taste of Language

Frank, that's what they call him, with a soul as red as fire, and a smell so pungent that the cries caused by it were so earth shattering that they could slice diamonds. The man that could make Satan cry in agony slowly makes his way towards my nostrils and the smell stings the inside of my nose; each molecule clinging to the tip of each nose hair with an unrelenting force. Upon sensing the fear from deep within my soul he makes his move for my mouth. Taking over control of my brain I choked down the thick syrup-like liquid. The pain seemed to numb my insides. The pain seemed to take over my whole being. The pain was too much to handle. With a convulsing like yelp the liquid that I just choked down was now coming back up. It tasted better on the way back up.

Poetry Puzzle

Normally, the promise of a Saturday liquid with sunshine draws him
But the smell of burning leaves stirs his memories
Yellow leaves burning unattended
Gangs of young men follow,
Enclosing a playground bare of equipment
Fences here are little more than fragments
He takes the hpahazard path
His safe reutrn will, degenerate to recriminations and apology
He is taking overtaken by sudden guilt he has left no mesesage for his wife
In the last voluntary movement of his life
He enters his home to see his unimpressed,
Concerned wife

Satirical Assignment

May 18, 2012 is the day that shall now be renowned as The 21st Century's Judgement Day. Today at 08:00 hour all teachers will come to school, complaining about how they need more money, and more time off. But on this day these teachers will be greeted not by smiling faces, and children laughter. No, they will be greeted by empty desks. As part of a response to the teachers job action the students have taken flight from the school and left the teachers with no minds to sculpt. One student reported that "I think its preposterous that they want more money, us students should be paid to have to sit there and listen to them talk!" This job action is not only a pain to the students but more so to the parents. With extra-Curricular activities cut some parents are forced to actually get OFF their butts at home and come get them! Another student from Princess Margaret Secondary School exclaimed that "if the teachers dont want to be there than neither do i!" as he trudged out the front door. When asked what they're going to do if they are not at school most replied with a mystified "I don't really know," or a "I'm going to like go home and like talk on my phone."

     My name is Landon Heath Wigley, my shoe size is 10, and my mother still makes my lunches. In my 5th consecutive year of being alive I entered the Bermuda triangle. It was never seen again. My life is viewed on national television upon the request of Chuck Norris. I'm currently serving 3 back-to-back life sentences in the comfort of my living room. The charge: accusations of having the softest hair in the world. Occasionally, I walk my dog.

     Using only bacon grease, an empty bottle, and my left shoe I toppled the Somalian government. In year 13 of my inspirational existence I was offered a record deal for my rendition of "Thriller" by Michael Jackson played entirely on a kazoo. Once, I hit a baseball so far into the sky it was deemed an UN-identified flying object. I eat chicken wings. I've watched the Pittsburgh Pirates participate in a game of Rochambeau. George stayed with Lennie because I told him to. Kenny Powers envies me, Roger Waters idolizes me, Zdeno Chara scares me.

     I taught Chad Ochocinco how to catch a football, I taught Junior Dos Santos how to fight, I taught myself to drive standard. Turtles like me. Upon  called the songbird of my era; my voice is a mix of Fergie, and Jesus. A cop pulled me over once for excessive speeding. I let him off with a warning.

My goal in life is to live happily, to live prosperously, and to live freely. To accomplish these things I must first attend college.

732 Maple St.
Okanagan Falls, British Columbia
V0H 1R0

March 8, 2012

Mr. Kleats 
Central High School
123 Main Street
Sportstown, British Columbia
V2A 1W3.

Dear Mr.Kleats:
     I am the father of your star striker Barb Down. I am aware that your a busy man, but I would appreciate if you would take the time to address this letter. I understand that your goal with the soccer team is to excel them to the best of their ability which is why I would like to bring to your attention the following issues.

     I am a man that considers punctuality to be very important in any line of business or sports. I believe that the coach should be the first person at the practice to set everything up and greet all of the athletes as they arrive. This will also allow you to organize all the details for the practice to come. Punctuality, and organization is key in running a practice for any sport. If both of these are implicated it will help the team reach their full potential in the sport, and not only will it make your job easier as a coach but will also positively influence the teams morale.


    

Moral dilemma

Landon Wigley
732 Maple St,
Okanagan Falls, BC
V0H 1R0

February 19th, 2012

John Smith
Mayor
City Hall 586 Main Street
Small Village, BC

Dear Mr. Smith:
     I would like to thank you for taking the time to address me in this moral issue you seem to be having in your village, and would be happy to help you out of this predicament. First off I would like to note that although Mr. Grass has tried to cover up these acts of injustice to the human race with acts of kindness and selflessness, these horrible deeds can not be erased. Mr. Grass should indeed be exposed and forced to the face the full wrath of the justice system for these horrible crimes. He should be exposed because what he did was criminally illegal and downright wrong. If he is not put to trial for this it is not enforcing the law, and sets an example of appeasement to crimes.

     Another reason that Mr. Grass should be exposed and imprisoned is that although he does help impoverished families pay their bills, is the amount these families will lose equal to the amount of families ruined by the deaths of family members that this man caused? Mr. Grass has surely torn apart more families and caused more mental suffering to those than could be bestowed upon these families he supports.

     An argument that could me made is that there is no reason to imprison this man seeing as he is 96 year old and is close to his passing. This is exactly why he needs to be exposed, and needs to be exposed now. If you do this now he can be tried and imprisoned as earlier as the end of the year and can serve a small amount of the time that he should be forced to serve. This will show him the way the prisoners of the camp felt: isolated, scared, imprisoned, and forced to live under a set of rules. The only part of the human race that should be forced to live like this is people like Gunter Grass, criminals, not innocent Germans.

In The Heat Of The Battle

Slim and George sat down at the bar. Slim put a hand on George's shoulder and stated, "Like I said, George, sometimes a guy's gotta."
     "Yeah, it was time for me to wake up and smell the coffee" George responded meagerly. In the back of his mind he had hoped he had missed, he's been known to have a horrid shot.
      His father had jokingly told him "he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn." As the night progressed George had started drinking Slim under the table. Slim was starting to get more, and more concerned for George's well being. George's words had transformed from a slight slurr to complete jibberish in need of subtitles. He was as drunk as a sailor. Slim was now eagerly trying to get George out of his seat to bring him back to the ranch but everytime he tried to stand him up George shrugged him off with more power than a locomotive.   
     Slim struggled for about 10 minutes to lodge this rock from its place, when George turned around and screamed, "wha' the hell you want from me?!"
     "You're as drunk as a skunk George, you needa go home"
     " You don't know me, arghhhhhhhh" George replied with a struggle to make the words match what he was thinking in his head. His thoughts had started to shift and George was more confused than a wood pecker in a concrete forrest. This was the last straw for Slim, he grabbed George by the collar of his shirt and dragged him out of the pub they had been sitting in. Slim started yelling at him, but it was going in one ear and out the other, this angered slim even more. He reached back to clock George, and George countered slim as fast as a cheetah, and knocked his lights out. Slim was just trying to help George but ended up getting the short end of the stick.

Sorry Please Play Again

The greatest fulfillment of grade 12 is without a doubt English 12. I enjoyed this class so much I've decided to indulge myself in it for a second time. My excitement for repeating this course unfortunately is not mirrored by Mr. Van Camp. A reason for his lack of excitement MAY be the fact that I am perhaps better looking than him. It could also be the fact that I have a plethora of hair underneath my hat, whereas he has less hair then he has excitement to see me again. The everyday routine of classes are put to rest in this class of exciting, and entertaining hour and twenty minute long gong show. Between Mr. Van Camp's absurd voice overs of novels, and his infamous "satellite debris" we have the joy of writing extensively long essays attempting to persuade the reader, entertain the reader, and synthesize literature for the reader. Although writing these works of art is in fact entertaining, reading the self proclaimed beautiful poetry is almost as repetitive as a Beatles album. As the majority of the class groans and complains in agony at the thought of reading any more poetry, there is always one brave soul in the class who has a guilty pleasure for the art of poetry. Fortunately I am not that soul. Debatebly the most intense aspect of this class is the mind-to-mind combat by way of debating. Many students refer to this as "Master-debating", the ultimate form of intellectual combat.  English 12 is outrageous, it is exciting, and it is definitely the best part of grade 12.

Landon "The Almighty One" Wigley

You're asking about Landon Wigley? You're asking who he is? He's only the most impressive specimen in this school.  Landon Wigley is as white as the snow, and quite frankly that's okay with him. He enjoys nice long walks on the beach, and wrestling sweaty men while clothed in a spandex singlet. Another activity he enjoys is playing guitar, and other musical instruments such as, drums, harmonicas, kazoos, and the infamous triangle. He is Ludwig Van Beethoven on the mic.  Late at night He's known to be seen in a spider man outfit attempting to swing from one building top to another using a variety of sizable extension cords. Landon often indulges himself in the musical genius of classical rock bands such as Rush, and the colourful Pink Floyd. Apart from classic rock he is also a firm believer in the generation of heavy metal. In his spare time Landon "the almighty one" as he's been called by his peers and fellow scholars, has been observed petting his best chap Liam Neary's lucious facial hair.